CompletionAchievement Counter Used

: 70%

Playtime+2hrs Footage Capture Excluded

: 57 hrs

Achievements:
14/20

+9

             

A progenitor, a catalyst, a staple of an entirely new genre of games. Some say a trend-setter, singlehandedly revolutionizing game design with procedurally generated levels and permadeath. I am, of course, talking about the original Spelunky - freeware made back in 2008, 10mb in size, featuring crisp 8-bit graphics and an incredibly cool soundtrack. This product - which looks nothing like it, plays nothing like it, and adds nothing of value to it - is a bastardized version of what, in my opinion, used to be a really great game.

Spelunky HD puts you into the boots of a brave adventurer descending the cave in search of infinite riches and fame, much like the original. You are equipped with a whip, some bombs, and some rope to help deal with the cave's inhabitants.

Throwables sometimes spawn around the stage, but those are weak, situational objects that need to be cast away in order to actually deal damage. Bombs and rope often prove to be too valuable to use offensively, unless you're fighting the final boss, which tends to spawn mobs just outside of your reach.

Dealing damage through stomping enemies feels inconsistent and ineffective. Humanoid enemies get stunned for a short period of time, while mini-bosses simply shrug stomps away unless you've found or purchased a specific item upgrade. Landing on an enemy at a slightly bad angle will deal contact damage to you instead, and the spritework does not make it clear whether you'll be able to hit an enemy doing so or not.

The whip is one of the most anemic, frustrating starter weapons I've ever had the misfortune of using. It has an extremely long windup animation during which you are not dealing damage. This animation cannot be interrupted or canceled. This was not the case back in original Spelunky, where attacking lasted 2 frames instead of 12.

During this animation your character is locked facing one direction, turning the cracking of the whip into a commitment - one you have to start nearly half a dozen tiles away just to hit a single stationary target. The overhead arc that allows you to hit enemies approaching from above only lasts a few short frames, and there is no separate input or move for it. Engaging enemies that are capable of any sort of vertical movement (almost half of all the enemies in the game) becomes incredibly awkward as a result.

The sprite outright lies about how long the whip is - the hitbox is about 8 pixels shorter than that. Furthermore, the whip also stuns enemies instead of killing them, just like stomping does, and becomes completely useless in the later parts of this game.

Perhaps the absolute worst thing about it is hitting things behind you for the first few frames of the attack. This is something you discover the hard way and never truly get used to as you shatter pots you didn't intend to, or smack damsels in the face while trying to defend them from raging cavemen.

Many a time had I deliberately avoided breaking pots because I knew they may contain spiders or snakes in them, only to try hit another enemy, then break a pot behind me anyway, finding said critters.

Replacing the whip is near impossible, as the game does not feature weapon upgrades. It does, however, feature items you can carry, that act as a weapon whenever you utilize them - but only one of which can be carried at a time. This means that you might lose your ability to deal melee damage while carrying another item, or never have both strong melee and ranged options at your disposal. You are also never able to perform multiple actions at once, for example mining tiles with a Mattock while carrying a damsel for a 1-Up.

Why not move multiple items separately and backtrack to them as needed? Firstly, because items cannot be moved through stage exits independently. Secondly, because you simply don't have the time. The game limits how long players can stay in each stage by spawning an immortal ghost that follows them through walls and instakills them on contact after a couple minutes spent in any given level.

I have never endorsed time constraints in Roguelites and never will; I understand that this is a personal preference, but managing time was never part of the resource management equation in the original Roguelike formula. I find it hard to pass up resources presented to me despite them not being required to beat the game, and having to do so anyway makes for a pretty poor playing experience in my opinion.

The worst aspect of the game yet is the way it controls. Your character clings onto every ledge automatically, which very quickly becomes a nuisance. You simply cannot move through tight spaces - which is the majority of the cave, being the cave that it is - without being held back by the character holding onto some ledge for dear life. Letting go of the ledge requires a combination of keys, rather than simply pressing Down, Jump, or moving away.

Dropping off tree branches requires the same combination of keys, but not ladder platforms, which force you down once you press Down, not allowing you to crawl alongside them. However, you cannot grab the ladders themselves, or vines and chains mid-air by pressing Down, only by pressing Up. What gives? You descend them by pressing Down, why can't you grab them the same way? You then cannot immediately get off them by pressing Left, Right or Attack, you have to use Jump specifically.

Your character cannot attack (which already requires preparation in advance) while holding onto a ledge, or grab onto a ledge while attacking. Not only did old Spelunky allow you to do this, but this makes you miss jumps, take unintentional damage as you try reach (or get off) ledges, and lose items while holding onto ledges since those drop automatically. Picking items up also uses a combination of keys, as opposed to having a dedicated key assigned to it, like in most other games in this genre.

The amount of ragdolling in this game is insane. It's as if all the walls and floors are made of rubber. The stuns are also extremely long. It wasn't like this in old Spelunky. Tiki trap arrows will miss you, but ricochet off a wall and hit you; objects thrown at enemies ricochet back and hit you; explosions send gold and corpses flying, hitting you.

Simply getting stunned by a falling object, which would otherwise deal 1/4 hearts of damage, sets off a chain-reaction of events that leads to your demise, as you ragdoll into two bats and a spider, then drop onto instakill spikes without even being able to react.

Further yet, each stage features at least one instakill factor, be it spikes, crush traps, explosives, pits, lava, certain enemies, or even certain enemy projectiles. Not only are you dropped to half health by temporary damage, you may very well also end up getting flung into one of said instakill factors, rendering your entire (upgraded) healthbar useless.

Most weapons and items in this game are situational at best, absolutely terrible at worst. There are 2 weapons worth holding on to, and those are rare in an item pool diluted by hot garbage. You don't unlock more items as you progress through the game, and most "good" items are hidden away in secret stages, not allowing access to them in most common runs.

Among the items in this game are: gloves that make you hold onto every single tile as if it were a ledge! Gloves that remove the arc from thrown items, making them impossible to use! A boomerang that is supposed to return back to you, but doesn't if you move along the Y-Axis slightly. A gun that shoots webs but deals no actual damage. A camera that stuns enemies, but deals no actual damage. A freeze ray severely limited by range. A parachute you cannot deactivate or take off. A teleporter that can telefrag you. And more.

Seemingly a widely-acclaimed, prize-winning title - in reality an average platformer at best, held back by a poor control scheme, a lack of meaningful meta-progression, and a pool of useless, uninteresting items.

If each stage in your game can be beaten in mere seconds, something has gone terribly wrong with your game design philosophy. But hey, at least you're still able to whip misbehaving women, fund a prostitution ring, and purchase slaves in exchange for money. Play the free version.